The Town Was Bumpin’

Posted: October 8, 2011 in Uncategorized

It is hard to believe that this small tiny place could be bumping, but today it was. We had to go to the community breakfast, as managers of the church were hosting the breakfast this morning. We walked down to the hall to find the parking lot filled, and the hall packed. It was nice to see so much support for the church.

 

I am still trying to figure out names and faces, along with who is related to who. That is challenging. I am starting to get better at it.

 

I had to admit though that it is still so lonely here. It is difficult to be “the young people” in a town. We aren’t young, we are approaching almost 20. Even the lovely people in the church have said this area is a retirement community. I guess the real question comes up how do we survive being socially isolated.

 

It is not an exaggeration to say that we are socially isolated. There is no one around who is our age or even near our age. That is including an hour drive away into the “city”. Although lets be frank, the city, is not a city, it is an amalgamation of four towns. It is also hard to be isolated by language. When I said Yes God I will follow you”, I never expected to be put in a place where even the language is foriegn.

 

I am finding myself often looking back and wishing that I had taken french courses in university. It is also difficult to realize that I came here with a partner whom I basically forced unemployment upon. I am still finding myself praying, asking God, why was I sent here? Was there a mistake made?

 

Yes, the people in the churches are lovely, but I don’t know if I can handle the personal stresses. I think the hardest is knowing my partner does not have work, and faces very few options for work being english living in an area that is mostly french.

In some ways I feel like the church failed us in putting us here, like I was set up to fail. How does the church expect me to have a flourishing ministry when my personal life is failing? We can’t have friends as there simple is no one to be friends with, and there is no work. It is very tough.

It really is a test of faith to stay here. I feel closer to some of the first testament writers right now, as I feel exiled from the promised land filled with employment and friends. The bills are piling up, especially student loans, and with one paycheck they can’t all be paid. I’m stressed, lonely, and I just want to cry.

This week has been a fairly good week, I haven’t cried every day, although that does mean there have been a few days where I have been bawling my eyes out. I know it’s not healthy. My prayer life is suffering.

 

When I think about it, I guess part of it is that I do have a little bit of anger. I am not sure why God put me here. I know God does not give us more than we can handle, but right now I am close to my breaking point. I don’t know how much more stress I can handle. I feel so alone, and that isn’t a good feeling.

 

God, please help and bring me back to you. I offer up my life in service of your work, but I’m not sure how much more this servant can take.

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