Worth of a Woman

Posted: November 22, 2015 in Uncategorized

Have you ever noticed how much women are judged by their appearance?

I can remember the first time I was told I was fat. I was 5 years old. An older boy started teasing me based on how fat he thought I was. This would begin a lifelong struggle with my weight. I started my first diet by age 8.

I have always been the oversized person in both height and weight. I was 5’6 by the time I was 12 years old. I stood out to say the least. Within my family I was the tall fat child while my siblings were in the normal range.

I look back at pictures and I never was all that fat but I was just big. I was taller than my peers and broader than my peers. By the time I reached grade seven I just wanted to disappear. Physically I began to disappear. It did not make the comments about my appearance stop.

I kept growing taller with a smaller waistline. When youth couldn’t tease me about my weight, it was my acne covered skin that became the point of redicule.

The teasing was not just at school but within my home as well. My siblings and my father liked to point out my weight and skin problems. By the time I was 15 I was 5’12 and 130 lbs. As my grandmother recalls, you were over weight at 130 lbs but you lost it.

In High School I was so thin you could count my ribs. I maintained a weight of 100 to 115 lbs. I would eat one meal a day but allowed myself to drink as much milk as I wanted. I was always hungry and tired but it was better than being fat. Classmates would then comment that I looked like a boy. There was no stopping the teasing. I would fix the flaw and something else would be wrong. At 6 feet tall it was impossible to disappear.

I went to university hours away from my hometown. I wanted to leave that place and never look back. I used to wear long flowing jackets to hide myself. In University I slowly opened up and allowed myself to not be completely hidden.

I however had remained my own worst enemy. I used to walk the university grounds late at night, trying to burn off those extra calories, trying to burn off those negative thoughts.

To be continued. ….


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